Score: 10

"Woot! It works now!"

submission: The Big Fat Musical Box

date: August 5, 2008

I don't have iTunes and I was viewing this from a Windoze PC, but this version seems to perform as-advertized as long as you have Flash Player installed. Awesome stuff. :)

For an encore, why not leverage this new technology into some sort of web-based media empire? :P

Score: 8

"Arbitrary build paths muddle the gameplay a bit."

submission: Elite Forces:Conquest

date: August 3, 2008

"Ambitious" is a good word to describe Elite Forces: Conquest. It's a hybrid of turret defense and tower defense, with a slight twist: your hero character aims and shoots on his own. This takes aiming out of the equation, but still allows you to target individual mobs who slipped past the towers.

There are several characters to choose from, an arsenal of man-portable weapons, and a nice skill tree for character advancement. Despite all those features, however, the main character doesn't have much impact on gameplay.

You'll mostly end up moving him to a good ambush spot and leaving him there as a turret. Every once in a while, you might suicide-bomb a cluster of enemies, but for the most part, there's very little your hero can do if you don't play the turret game well.

It takes longer than usual to figure out which turrets are useful in which situations, mostly because each upgrade of each tower has different, almost random stats. You'll put a long-range turret in between two paths and upgrade it, only to discover that the range shrinks and it's suddenly a point-defense turret. Rapid-fire turrets suddenly become one-hit wonders that take ages to reload. This robs the player of agency and makes tactical gameplay almost impossible.

A good game is easy to learn but challenging to master. This game is just difficult to understand. Badim, if you're reading this, the sheer amount of cool stuff you've packed into this game is awesome, but you need to arrange it more carefully to create a cohesive whole. The player needs to understand which upgrades are good and which upgrades are a waste of time BEFORE he buys them. Here are my suggestions on how to better balance the game:

- An upgrade should only ever INCREASE one or more of the attributes. (Range should NEVER shrink. An upgrade should NEVER be slower than the previous model.)

- Each gun should have a general theme, and stick with that theme across all the upgrades. (For example, one type of gun starts off long-range, and continually gets longer. One gun starts out short-range but with splash, and this keeps increasing.)

- If you want specialized guns for specific roles, that's fine, but make them OPTIONAL alternative build paths. (For example, the fire tower could be short range and splash, but with an alternate branch that increases range more than power.)

- When balancing the guns, consider dammage-per-second. Also consider how many enemies are likely to overlap at once, when deciding how important Splash is. (You could run some test cases in Flash. For instance, run 100 of each type of enemy past each turret and have an extra meter that totals up the dammage.)

- I like the fact that some turrets increase the hero's stats and other towers' stats, but I feel like this aspect is over-emphasized. (The only way I could succeed in the later levels was to build an obscene ammount of stat-boosting towers. The game slowed down because I had like 100 towers, but I was able to kill 100% of enemies with machinegun and frost aura.)

In general, you have a lot of great ideas here, but they don't combine well to make up a cohesive whole. You need to give the player a sense of "agency"-- a feeling that he is in control over his own fate. Part of that means making sure he can understand what he's doing before he does it. Otherwise it's just lots of failure and experimentation until he stumbles across the one uber tower combination.

Your game is difficult, but it is not challengeing. A challenging game gives the player just enough knowlege and resources that he knows what he has to do and a little bit of how to pull it off, and he will learn more as he practices. A difficult game just kicks you in the balls over and over again until you stumble across the most optimal playstyle. Challenging games are fun. Difficult games are just frustrating.

I do admire the ambition that went into this. It just needs balancing, and a little bit more structure.

Score: 4

"More constant failure."

submission: Xeno Tactic 2

date: August 2, 2008

Xeno Tactic 1 was frustrating because there was only one way to win. You literally *needed* to kill every enemy, *and* build the optimal pattern of anti-air guns in order to beat the last level. Was it challenging? You bet. Was it fun? Fuck no.

So now we have a sequal. XT2 abandons the "sandbox" model of gameplay in favor of a more traditional path-based game. Unfortunately, the same design philosophy once again rears its ugly head: There is only one correct answer. And the game doesn't give you anything to work with.

There is one specific combination of turrets that will get you through each level. There is no skill involved. Just dying over and over again until you can work out the magic combo.

People keep saying "XT1 was more fun." I don't believe that. I think people *remember* XT1 as being fun, but everyone bitched about the gameplay back then, too.

The sad truth is, antebios is just fucking hardcore. He demands perfection from his players. He will punish you over and over again for not reading his mind. If that sounds fun to you, enjoy Xeno Tactic 2.

Me? I'm gonna go play GemCraft again.

Score: 10

"God dammit."

submission: Harry Potter Parody Chap1

date: August 1, 2008

I can't review this flash because I didn't watch it all the way. The reason I didn't watch it all the way is because I haven't read the seventh book yet. I wish the title of the Flash said something about the Deathly Hollows because I just saw Ch1 in the title and just sort of assumed you were starting from the begining of the first book. I wouldn't have started watching it if I had realized which book it was.

ARGH! NO SPOILERS! ARGH!

I liked what I did see, though. :) Funny jokes, good brush-scribble flash art, and a nice understated storybook format with some nice voice-acting on the part of the reader.

(Regardless of which voices he can or can't pull off. :P )

Score: 10

"Interesting... and 180 degrees from Miscle Bird..."

submission: SuperTurboGamingDeluxe 01

date: August 1, 2008

I think I just figured it out. You're not just one guy, are you? I mean all of these cartoons of yours have been pretty different in terms of style, writing, humor and quality. I'ma check something, real quick...

Yup. By actually visiting that URL you kept flashing in my face before and after each cartoon, I was able to cleverly deduce that you are a team of four guys. That certianly explains it. Moving on...

This was pretty good as far as gaming humor goes. I'm glad you didn't waste a lot of time on sitcom-esque name-repeating and boring character interaction. You just laid the basic bare minimum groundwork and moved on to the references, flashbacks, and cutscenes.

Not especially original, but pretty well-executed. I'm not surprised to notice that this is also a but older than your other submissions. I like how you sketched (or vectorized) caricatures of all those video game characters. Most people on NG would just drop in a JPEG of the characters. This way, everything kinda blends together as part of a uniform style. So good job, there.

The animation was a little wonky, little more than talking heads and with a rough surface that really doesn't take advantage of Flash's vector capabilities, but for what is basically a gamer webcomic set in motion, I guess you really don't need anything more than that. I've seen gamer toons with better surface than this that really weren't as funny.

(Then again, there's always Bonus Stage, which is the funniest damn thing evar, and constantly flipped between incredibly crisp surface and intricately-crafted frame-by-frame. But I'm not going to hold you to Matt Wilson's work, because that wouldn't be fair.)

This concludes my review tour of Royal Toaster's submissions. I'm glad I discovered your work, and I hope my reviews were genuinely helpful and not too much of a blow to your collective egos. Please IM me if you'd like my input on whatever you're working on currently. I can't always think of a great idea on my own, but I seem to be dynamite at looking at someone else's work and telling them what I would have done differently.

Thanks for being good sports. :) Feel free to rip apart my pretty-much mediocre flash games in reviews of your own.

Score: 8

"Huh..."

submission: Pariomortis Trailer

date: August 1, 2008

Interesting. Kinda reminded me of the old He-Man cartoons from my youth. Mostly, it's the logo on the armor, I think. Looks too spacey and not midevil at all.

The male characters looked like clones when they were all lined up like that. Or maybe action figures, hehe. I liked the transformation sequences. I was just starting to think "how could the village be the last bastion of humanity if their opponents are also human," when they started to shed their clothes and pounce. Good stuff.

One suggestion: If you're going for drama, google the Voice Acting Alliance. It's a forum of hobbyist voice actors and actresses whom I've found tend to do better work than most professional Voice Actors in the cartoon industry these days.

Your own voice (or the voice of whomever was speaking in this) is a little slushy around the S's. I noticed it in some of your other toons, too, but it's more of a deal-breaker when drama is the goal.

Overall, it seems like an interesting concept for a combat-centric cartoon series. Sort of the dark side of those old 80's cartoons, where the sword swings actually connect and blood goes everywhere. Could be very powerful, but only if the voice acting sounds sincere and believible.

Also, make sure there is some human interest in the characters, or else it's just a bunch of mooks fighting a bunch of werewolf mooks. Google TV Tropes for more information about avoiding cliches, averting them, or twisting them to your advantage. You're good at writing dialogue, but this trailer leads me to believe you might be a newbie at actual storytelling. Learn from what other storytellers have done with the movie format, and you'll go far, indeed.

Three down. :) One to go. Reviewing TurboGamingDelux now...

Score: 10

"Way funnier than Steriod Bird or whatever. :D"

submission: Authentic Japanese Sword

date: August 1, 2008

I thought the writing in this one was hillarious. the voices were a little hard to understand, but I'm willing to chalk that up to poor microphone quality. The delivery sounded top-notch on the announcer.

The dragon's voice seemed a little off, but I couldn't tell you why... it just didn't sound like a dragon? And yet it also didn't sound enough the opposite of a dragon to be hillarious. It was just kinda... adraconic? Moving on...

Needless to say, the cinematography was great. You did a pretty good job of mixing Flash with RL video footage. I especially liked the different moves the guys did while fighting the dragon. Far too many Live-Action/hybrid cartoon experiments drop the ball during those particularly interactive moments.

I hope you scored well on your assignment. :) Overall, this was great, and much funnier to my lazy American brain than Muscle Bird. I'm gonna review your other submissions real quick because you seem interested in my opinions. Do keep in mind that they're just that: opinions. Even though I type a lot of words in my reviews and I may tend to use complete sentances most of the time, that doesn't make my reviews any more valid or less subjective than the next guy's.

Keep up the good work. :)

Score: 7

"Moderately funny dating tape parody."

submission: Muscle Bird

date: August 1, 2008

It's not as funny as those Mad TV dating tape sketches, but it's all right. I found the whole Muscle Bird character kinda dull. Most of the humor is observational, and kinda stale if you've ever seen any other parodies of dating tapes before.

I would have liked to see more of an effort to draw humor from the ridiculousness of the character. One bright moment was when he started pecking up the steroids, hehehe. But I think there was potential for more Bird Humor, here. (For one thing, burds have hollow bones. What would that be like for a stuntman? :) )

I suppose I should be grateful you made a furre flash that was only minimally creepy. I'll take a look at your other work. You clearly know your way around Flash, and you're willing to work hard on the story, humor, and character design. Even though my personal reaction to this flash was lukewarm, I can tell you're a great animator.

I look forward to your future works. Keep experimenting, keep trying. I'm sure you'll blow me away with one of your submissions. It just wasn't this one.

Score: 10

"Woah! A stick figure fight with an actual theme!"

submission: Contra

date: August 1, 2008

He could have just made a bunch of stick figured beating the crap out of each other on a colored background, and this probably would have gotten a decent score.

After all, it's something we've all seen before, but he's choreographed this particular fight scene pretty well. There are lots of melee and gunplay hits packed between frames, often in time with the music. Ropes and smoke trails that react very well physically, and subtly weighted arms and legs shift sublimely as the bodies hit the floor. All that stuff makes this an excellent stick battle movie.

But instead of just another nameless faceless "experimental film" kind of stick figure fight, this is classic Contra! ZOMG! You got Stick Fighting in my Sprite Movie! You got Sprite Movie in my Stick fight! The result (in this case) is an incredible tour de force that combines the wow-factor of well-done sticks with the nostalgia of your favorite sprite movies, and manages to surprise you at the end with a genuinely cinematic couple of seconds.

Daverandomster has taken two overworked newgrounds trends and exploited them both to great effect. As soon as I finish this review, I intend to check out his other work, and I suggest you do the same. I can't wait to see what he does in the future! You just know it's going to be good.

Score: 6

"At least it's not another "Snakes" remake."

submission: Totally Calum Best

date: August 1, 2008

I don't know who the hell Calum Best is, but I know a dull game when I see one. If you like arrow-tapping around a cramped playfield, this game will satisfy. (And yes, that is the only way in which it will satisfy.)

I haven't watched MTV since back when there were, you know, actually music videos on it, so I didn't get the memo when they stopped trying to be Comedy Central and started trying to be Skinimax. But if you thought Beavis and Butthead insulted your intelligence, you ain't seen nothing yet. I think MTV has a whole team of researchers trying to find new and innovative ways to under-estimate their audience. This game is the result.

In terms of production, the distraction movie is actually pretty well-done, except that it's so ridculous and unbelievible. I couldn't tell if they were going for porn and failing because it's ridiculously softcore, or going for sexually-charged drama and failing because all of the actress's lines are embaressingly non-subtle. I mean, it's *really* bad. Just not the kinda bad you were hoping for.

Seriously, It's like something a 13-year-old would write, which is apparently their target audience. That would explain the terrible writing and the complete lack of nudity. The only person in this thing who seemed like they were actually attempting to exert any sort of charisma was the intro voiceover dude. Creepy.

The gameplay is as awkward as the cinema, with poor control, weird obstacle movement rules, and a graphical interface that deliberately obfuscates the action. Most of the difficulty is manufactured by these flaws. Once you get used to them, you'll find little to no actual challenge.

If you enjoy ignoring chicks, there's an easy way to accomplish that. Don't play this game. Chick ignored. You win. Congradulations.

Still want more chick-ignoring action? Why not also ignore the show when it comes out. If you're old enough, go watch some real porn on real cable. If you're not, just keep downloading hentai or whatever you kids do nowadays.

Oh, and if any of the suits at MTV happen to be reading this, why not cut the bullshit and go back to being an American legend. Music. Television. No one gives a damn about some greasy douchebag and his scripted blue-ball encounters.