I want my orange and black back! And no, I'm not talking about the Newgrounds redesign when I say this. I'm talking about Halloween.

Used to be, you'd see Halloween decorations in all the stores this time of year, but not anymore. Since 1957 they've been celebrating Christmas non-stop from September to Feburary, but now even that has been supplanted in favor of Paint The Town Pink Month.

It's friggin' everywhere. I wish I was being sarcastic. I mean, literally, there's big pink balloons and banners and ribbons everywhere in my area. Target. Wal-Mart. Grocery store. Any Halloween stuff is tucked away on a tiny shelf down some forlorn asile, as if it were out-of-season stock or something.

So, I'm thinking, if this goes on all month, what's gonna happen to Halloween? I'm guessing America's ever-ingenious consumers are going to see all the pink in the stores, go "You know? Let's have a Breast Cancer Awareness Party this year, Instead!" Kids will come by looking for candy, and instead they'll get pamphlets about checking their tits for tumors.

It's like they're replacing our last great irresponsible fun-fest holiday with some kinda crappy edutainment. What are they gonna do next? Make July "Fire Safety and Sensible Diet Month" so we can't have any fun on the 4th?

Even if the holiday survives, I'm thinking one night of the macabre just isn't going to be enough to wash the taste of an entire month of Pink out of my mouth.

I'm really not trying to be mysogynistic about this. Nobody loves breasts more than me, and I'd do anything to give them the support they deserve. I just don't see why we need to pave over a perfectly good existant holiday with an entire month of Pink crap on the walls.

I agree it's a good cause, but couldn't we move this Awareness thing to, I don't know... May? How about May. May has Mothers' Day in it, but paving over Mothers' Day wouldn't be as severe of a change. If anything, the two celebrations would probably compliment each other. Our Moms could enjoy looking at all the pretty pink decorations for a couple weeks, leading up to and following their big day. And guys would never forget Mothers' Day because there'd be pink reminders plastered all over literally everywhere we look. We'd see the pink, and think "Woah! It's that time of year! Mothers' Day must be coming!"

Right now when I look around, all I can think about is "Ugh. Pink!? It's supposed to be ORANGE." Every time I'm first exposed to the decorations, there's this "shit, my eyes aren't working right" moment. It's driving me crazy.

But more to the point, I already know ALL ABOUT breast cancer. And the REASON I know all about it despite not being a chick is, the hundreds of advertisements I've seen, heard, and read over the past several years during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It's just they did it without destroying Halloween, back then.

But I figure if I, the last person in the world who needs to worry about breast cancer, am AWARE of it, then it stands to reason that all the women must have heard about it a LONG TIME ago. Women are very efficient at passing along information. You don't need to paint all the halloween decorations pink to get the word out. All you need to do is drop a few gurellia marketeers in Times Square and have 'em couch all known breast cancer news, information, and medical advice in the form of secret gossip about coworkers. Within 24 hours, every female in the known universe will be an expert.

Merry friggin' Boob Day.

Update: Feburary would be another good one. It'd be all pink, pink pink, Happy Venerial Disease, pink, pink, pink, March.