Literally peak comedy. As in most of the jokes were about a microphone peaking.

Does anyone know of a 3D PC video game with this kind of distorted camera? It looks really cool and different.

No ear wiggle?

You've got a nice core mechanic here, but am I the only one who feels like this was a missed opportunity to go full roguelike? Swapping items is fine, but stacking items could be amazing!

(Also, if you wanted to make the razors 100% deterministic, just swap the X and Y values during a collision, inverting whichever one corresponds with the direction of the hit wall.)

I think the most interesting thing about it is the "unfolding" gameplay of each individual run. Sometimes you're trying to spend all your hearts without going over. Sometimes you're trying to level up. Sometimes you're trying to leave treasure on the field for improved rewards later. Sometimes impulsive (or desperate!) random clicks at the start will reveal other tiles (Rat King, Slime Wizard, Crystal Ball, etc.), basically forcing long-term planning not available in other runs.

Protip: if you're willing to die a few times "rerolling" the run by blind-clicking spaces on the edge of the map, you can sometimes end up with interesting run-differentiators right from the start. This can help you learn the deeper parts of the game a little faster!

Edit: Finally beat the dragon for the first time. Killing the 10-hp Minesweeper Warlock makes ALL the difference! Take my Fiven!

//Initialize Expectations
game.quality = vampire_survivors.quality;
game.graphics.style = graphics.BLENDER_LOWBIT
game.graphics.quality = MID_QUALITY
if(music.volume > 0){
music.quality = MEDIUM_HIGH_QUALITY
} else {
musician = "VA-11 HALL-A - Second Round [Full Album]"
music.quality = HIGH_QUALITY
}

print("Hey, everyone. Warpzone here! And welcome to my review of Picayune Dreams on Newgrounds!");
print("The first and most important thing you need to know about this game is that you should NEVER play it on Newgrounds.");
print("The free demo on Steam, availible from the link in the description, adds several key features.");
print("Such as the ability to see the whole screen at the same time,");
print("and the ability to hear the music over the sound of your computer's fans.");
print("If only the developer had given us some indication...);
print("Oh.");
print("Well, I guess that's what I get for skipping past the title screen.");

//Try out the different weapons
switch (weapon)
{
case: halo

DoConfuseWithAngelWings();
game.quality -=1;

case: angel_wings
while (enemy_distance > close_enough_to_kill_you )
enemy_distance -=1;
} else {
DieBecauseYourWeaponWontFire();
game.quality -=5;
}

case: chainbelt
if (chainbelt_damage < garlic_damage)
{
game.quality -= ( garlic_damage - chainbelt_damage);
}

case: radio_transmitter
return;

default:
if(stage > 2){
game.enemySpeed.randomize();
}
}

//Thanks to milkypossum for helping me with my switch statements. I've always struggled with pseudocode, mostly because I can never find the documentation for it online.

if (fullscreen == true){
if(played_on_newgrounds) {fullscreen = false;}
}

print("Hey, everyone. Max0r here! And welcome back to my Hacknet letsplay.");
print("The second thing you need to know about this game is how to plug in your controller.");
print("No, seriously. Playing with a controller unlocks several key features not availible without one.);
print("Features such as discovering that the game only seems hard because you've been suffering from a disability all this time.);
print("Press the right thumbstick to diagnose yourself.");
print("Then bask in the thrill of playing video games at an average level of skill for the first time in your life.");
print("It's not cheating. It's called using the accessibility options.);
print("Of course, like anyone overcoming a disability, you will need to adjust your quality-of-life espectations.);
print("To zero. Because this game doesn't DO quality-of-life.");

if (fullscreen == false && playerYmovement != 0){
CollideWithEnemyYouDidntEvenSee();
game.quality -= 100;
DownloadSteamDemo();
}

print("There wre two main categories of equippable upgrades: weapons that put more projectiles on the screen, and memes.");
print("You WILL die. A lot. And it won't always feel like it's your fault.");
print("This is intentional. Dying a lot is just central to the intended game experience.");
print("I suppose that's what happens when you balance your difficulty curve using an aimbot.");
print("Unfortunately, I found that even with my gamer skills artifically inflated to the level of a baseline human, I still struggled to complete basic game tasks.");
print("Tasks such as "Enter level 3" or "Collect all of the numbers.");

//Make obvious comparisons
game_quality += (game.characters.count - vampire_survivors.characters.count);

if (game.Contains(FiveNightsAtFreddysLore) ){
game.quality += 50;
action.Stop();

if(action.IsStopped){
game_quality -= 51;
}
}

print("The game features colorful interactions with many fascinating characters.");
print("Such as a cartoon rabbit that tells knock-knock jokes,");
print("and a second character.");
print("All of this to gradually reveal an in-depth narrative about sisyphean legalized slavery and state-funded drug abuse.")
print("So, basically a typical dayjob if you were born after 1980.");
print("The struggle is real.");
print("Trust me, it's non-addictive.);

//Complain that the game's too hard
if(first_boss_attack_phase == 3){
DieUnlessYouUseTheBlackHoleTheGameNeverTellsYouHowToUse();
game.quality -= 1000;
}

//Complain about crashes/bugs
if (stage == orchid_sleep){
BlackScreenOfDeath();
game.quality -= 10000;
}

print("I would not call this game 'fun.' I personally struggle to understand why I've played it so much.");
print("But that's probably because I personally struggle to understand how anything works in this game.");
print("Mentally choosing to believe that you have a plan somehow causes you to die.");
print("Frankly, I don't understand how they implemented this feature. But I'm glad that indie devs got to it before Big Tech.");

//Rate game w/overall score
if (game.quality < vampire_survivors.quality){
game.quit();
}

if(still_reading_this_review = true){
// I'm a little surprised nobody called me on this boolean assignment typo. I decided to keep the bug in, since it literally forces people to read this far in the review. You might call that nonsense, but it worked on you.
psuedo-code_conceit.worth_it = false;
DoBlameNewgroundsForBreakingWhitespace();
}

print("In conclusion, if you must play this, play it using the Steam demo.");
print("And try to remind yourself to come back up for air occasionally.");
print("Otherwise, like the game's protagonist, you might find yourself unable to stop playing.");
print("Freebasing health upgrades and Black Hole drills, until you literally min-max yourself to death.");
print("It's not a bug. It's a statement on the healthcare industry.");

if(devs_respond_in_kind == true){
game.quality++;
begrudgedly = true;
}

print("Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go play Holocure, so I can complain that the Yagoo spam at the end is too easy.");

if(addicted_to_steam_demo_anyway){
game.quality = int(float(MAX_INT) * 0.8);
}

Awesome loop, reminds me of Parasite Eve 1.

...and frankly, that's all it takes to please me. :) Great job.

Great happy NG fodder. :)

Nice. :) I like the melody, and the way you wove it into a larger work. The techno mumbo-jumbo that kicks in around 1:10 is nice and smooth because it's just what's expected. The same goes for the sudden quiet purity around 1:45. 2:00's almost a little too slow, but then it picks up again and the beat is great from there on out. All things considered, a nice perky techno song with some cheerful acoustic piano. Great for the credits in one of those epic clock crew blockbusters they release once in a while, or just a shiny pick-me-up on your playlist.

Lightbringer was really interesting to learn about. It keeps reminding me of things like Diablo II and Guardian Heroes, (which is absurd, since those games came out much later!) I'd imagine LandStalker was probably a more likely influence? (You really see it in that room where you stack the crates to reach the treasure chests!)

In any case, the mashup of dungeon-exploring mechanics with room-based beat-'em-up gameplay is surprisingly smooth. I suppose there's some AI tweaks in there to prevent the enemy from approaching from the top or bottom. (These mechanics, and especially the ranged build just wouldn't work in arbitrarily-shaped rooms, otherwise.)

I was never really clear, from the gameplay video, how important it is to level up? It always felt like kicks did nothing, and lightning arrows could one- or two-shot everything, and mimics are surprisingly flimsy. I also wasn't clear on why sometimes looting bows was good, and other times it was bad??? Maybe I'd have to play it to understand.

Keep up the good work. You really nailed the vibe of the ending, IMHO, and somehow the quirky not-quite-anime pixel art linework made the leap to equally-quirky vector art surprisingly intact? It's like a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy, bouncing back and forth across western and eastern cultures, over a period of like 30 years, (much longer if you trace the influences all the way back through D&D to Tolkien!) but somehow it came out the other end of that process with the heart intact, and plenty of style.

Also, Cisty's slow-motion impression of Chun-Li every time she tried to cross a room quickly got a chuckle out of me.

I barely ever rate Art, but this thumbnail just CALLED to me. Gorgeously rendered, on-model, and gameplay-accurate, with a touch of whimsy that really gels with watercolor, as a medium. I can't think of a single thing that would improve this piece. Gorgeous.

You should totally do Legend of Mana. Maybe Darkstalkers, if you feel like it. They both have watercolor official art. I could also see Metal Slug or Gunstar Heroes looking great rendered like this, but now I'm just saying "literally any sprite-based video game."

It's the flared nostrils for me. XD